What to expect when you’re divorcing

What to expect when you’re divorcing

Are you separating or divorcing and confused by what you’re feeling?  

Do you wonder what’s the matter with you? 

There’s actually nothing wrong with you. What you’re feeling are the natural reactions to stressful events. 

You might feel pissed off, confused, worn out, afraid, sad, depressed, hopeless, guilty, frustrated… the list might be endless.

These are all understandable and reasonable things to be feeling in the face of change, loss and the unknown.  

And if you’re feeling some emotion I didn’t mention—like maybe relief or even happiness—that’s OK too. 

Whatever you’re feeling might suck, you might hate it, but it’s OK. 

Emotions are part of the human experience.  

Here are three ways to cope with your emotions 

1) Turn toward your emotions, instead of telling yourself you shouldn’t be feeling this way.  

This could be as simple as placing a gentle hand on your chest and saying to yourself, “It makes sense what I’m feeling, given what I’m going through right now.” 

2) Make space for your emotions.  

This can mean journalling, talking to a friend, working with a therapist or anything else that works for you as an intentional way to express what you’re feeling. 

What’s important is to take time to do this regularly.

3) Make time for fun.  

It’s important to begin to cultivate a flow between emotions you enjoy and emotions you don’t. Even when things are sucking for you, having pleasant or enjoyable experiences—if you can’t flat out have some fun—help regulate your nervous system and make you more resilient.  

Watching stand-up (I’m serious; daily stand-up got me through a very difficult few months one winter), having a massage, having dinner with friends or whatever activities you find enjoyable will work. Even if they’re not fun right now, I encourage you to give it a whirl. 

If you’re having a hard time because of your divorce or separation, at Compassionate Support for Stressful Times, we can help. To find out more or to book an appointment, give us a call or drop us an email.

info@compassionatesupport.ca or 613-868-9642. 

About Shulamit Ber Levtov

For over 17 years Shulamit has helped women and men transform the effects of stress and trauma. She has logged thousands of hours of 1-to-1 and group work with hundreds of clients in a variety of public and private settings. She also speaks and facilitates classes and trainings locally, internationally and online. Shulamit is the owner and clinical director of Kemptville's holistic stress and trauma clinic, the Kemptville Stress Relief Centre. Shulamit holds a Masters in Counselling and Spirituality, is a registered social worker and a certified Kripalu Yoga teacher. She also has the distinction of being the third person in the world to be dually certified as a trainer in both Nonviolent Communication and Focusing. To contact Shulamit call 613-868-9642 or email info@compassionatesupport.ca .