The three relationship red flags

The three relationship red flags

Are you feeling bitter about your previous relationship?

Would you like to date again but want to know what to avoid?

Here are three relationship red flags and the one issue that prevents you from seeing them.

They say too much too soon, and think you’re “the one” on the first date or maybe even before you’ve met.

I’m a believer in love at first sight, and even thinking or “knowing” “they’re the one” right away. At the same time, I recommend taking time to let things unfold. Sometimes excitement, fantasies and hormones can lead us astray.

Relationships are like plants. Healthy relationships grow slowly and steadily.

When a person reveals too much at first, that’s a sign they don’t really know what’s healthy and unhealthy in a relationship.

As the relationship matures, the other person stops “being romantic.”

As I said, relationships are like plants. If you don’t care for them, they’ll die.

They are nurtured accidentally or effortlessly in the beginning because being together is very compelling.

But as time goes on, the connection still needs to be nourished.

If you notice your dating partner less and less willing to nurture the relationship, this is a red flag.

Maybe they’re not hitting you or cheating on you, but in the long run the lack of nourishment will do the relationship in.

Handsome is as handsome does

In other words, good looks aren’t enough to maintain a relationship and neither are mere words. It’s the actions that count.

I see so many clients who tell me all the wonderful things their partner says but that that their actions don’t back their words up. They’re confused by the contradictions and don’t know what to believe.

I’ll tell you what to believe: ACTIONS!

If your dating partner doesn’t follow their words with actions, that’s a red flag.

The one big issue that prevents you from seeing these red flags

We often ignore red flags because we’re quite literally intoxicated.

Falling in love activates the same system in the brain a cocaine addiction. Attraction activates the brain’s opioid system as well.

Going slow in a relationship can allow this intoxication to ease off and your sense of discernment to come back online, so you can evaluate the relationship for what it really is, and make the appropriate decision.

If you’d like help doing a debrief on your previous relationship, so you don’t make the same mistakes, connect with me. If you’re in a new relationship and you want to be sure you’re on the right track, I can help. My contact information is below.

shulamit@shula.ca/ 613-868-9642

About Shulamit Ber Levtov

For over 17 years Shulamit has helped women and men transform the effects of stress and trauma. She has logged thousands of hours of 1-to-1 and group work with hundreds of clients in a variety of public and private settings. She also speaks and facilitates classes and trainings locally, internationally and online. Shulamit is the owner and clinical director of Kemptville's holistic stress and trauma clinic, the Kemptville Stress Relief Centre. Shulamit holds a Masters in Counselling and Spirituality, is a registered social worker and a certified Kripalu Yoga teacher. She also has the distinction of being the third person in the world to be dually certified as a trainer in both Nonviolent Communication and Focusing. To contact Shulamit call 613-868-9642 or email info@compassionatesupport.ca .