If you are going through a particularly rocky phase in your relationship it is not uncommon for the thought of divorce to creep in. No one enjoys feeling at odds with their partner and, depending on the situation, divorce may seem like an easy way out.
It’s not. Divorces can be long, drawn out and complicated not to mention emotionally draining. Here are some of the key questions you need to ask yourself before bringing up the “D” word with your spouse.
Why do you feel like you want to end the marriage?
What is your unhappiness with your marriage based on? Is it due to something your spouse did or didn’t do or is it more that you are looking for something in a life partner that he/she is unable to provide? Taking some time to think about this will make sure you are sure about your decision to bring up divorce with your partner.
Have I done my part to try and fix the situation?
It takes two to tango and sometimes people start throwing around the idea of divorce without taking responsibility for their role in the unhappy marriage. Take a good look at your own actions and see if there is something you can do to help the relationship go more smoothly. Sometimes it just takes looking at things from a bird’s eye view to realize you are part of the issue and have the ability to help save the marriage
What are my options?
Are there options other than divorce? Have you tried talking to your partner or perhaps considered going to see a marriage counsellor? Often couples who are at odds are suffering from a communication breakdown which can be solved with professional help and a little bit of work. All relationships have different needs and often it just takes doing a deep dive and figuring out what each of you can do to make it work.
Am I ready to be alone?
Splitting up with your partner does mean that you will ultimately be flying solo. You won’t have a spouse to share household chores, bills or parent the children. Making sure you are ready for this should be key in the decision-making process. Getting a divorce does not mean just the end of your relationship, it is a complete overhaul of your life and you need to be ready for that.
What support do I have and what support do I need?
Going through a divorce is not easy and it is important that you have support. Having family and friends in your corner is great, but it is also wise to think about what professionals you will need to support you. A good therapist, a financial planner and a lawyer are all professionals that will be necessary to support you through the divorce process.